I’ve had a really bad problem with self confidence since my early teens. It’s shockingly bad. With my friends and family I’m quite bubbly and talkative but with people I don’t know or when I’m large groups of people I just go to pieces.
It holds me back and it’s ruining my life, would anyone recommend self help books or is there groups or classes I’d be able to join or something like that.
I know I might always be shy but to be much less so would make me happy.
Deal with your past. I know shyness can be inherited or is just a part of your personality, but life experience can make you shy. Do you remember not being shy? what caused you to withdraw into yourself? just a few things to start with and work from there. I am the same way and I took acting classes and getting up and doing silly, but fun exercises with other people would break anyone out of your comfort zone. There are online groups that can help if you don’t like the therapist route. http://www.dailystrength.org/ has an online group that may help.
Good luck!
#1 by mike on October 28th, 2009
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Its ok to be who i am i can learn to love myself, say it and mean it. Say only positive affirmations about yourself throughout the day… Probably it s a minor self confidence problem which will go if realise how good you are.
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#2 by Jamie on October 28th, 2009
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I would suggest to just be who you are and just let it happen. Don’t just let yourself go, but know who you are and be happy with it. If you do something awkward, then thats just you and a lot of people will probably find it to be funny/cute.
Life is much better once you can get past trying to please everyone and just being happy and confident with yourself. Also, being confident will help how people see you, because its not always what you do, but how you do it.
My suggestion would be to find friends that you really get along with well, which it sounds like you have, be yourself (if you aren’t a talkative person in a larger group, then thats who you are, you don’t have to change/worry about that) and be confident with who you are.
It also helps to pull yourself back from a situation to try to see it for what it is, before you go diving into it.
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#3 by Suan on October 28th, 2009
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I have the exact same question. I have also had a really bad problem with self-confidence since my early teens, and my condition is exactly like what you described. It is also ruining my life.
Some people tell me that I can try to make myself look prettier because a nice appearance usually helps to boost self-confidence. I will try that, but I think my problem goes deeper than that. Some people suggest that I make a list of things that I like about myself. I haven’t done that, but I think it will only have a minimal effect. I don’t know what to do either.. because it’s not like I can just "decide" to be confident all of a sudden, you know?
I think for now, I will just continue to live my life and try to understand myself better and start accepting myself. I don’t know how to do it, but I know that I have to do it, so I am just going to try my best everyday. I really wish you all the best! I completely understand what you are going through… I hope one day we will both learn to love ourselves and be confident!
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#4 by Grandma6 on October 28th, 2009
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I’ve been like that my whole life and it’s not easy to change. My ex husband destroyed what self confidence I had while we were married and after 18 years I was left with nothing. I had to push myself to get out and get a job and go back to school just to survive and I did it! I also met a wonderful man who actually thinks I’m smart and beautiful! I’ve been at the same job for about 18 years (since the divorce, of course) and I’m very good at it (another ego booster) but I’m not willing to move to another job because of all the insecurities still hanging out in the back of my mind. Still, I’m generally happy with myself and my life.
My advice would be to push yourself into positive situations even when they make you uncomfortable at first. If one doesn’t work, go for another.
You are a great person, remember that!
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#5 by kitty on October 28th, 2009
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Deal with your past. I know shyness can be inherited or is just a part of your personality, but life experience can make you shy. Do you remember not being shy? what caused you to withdraw into yourself? just a few things to start with and work from there. I am the same way and I took acting classes and getting up and doing silly, but fun exercises with other people would break anyone out of your comfort zone. There are online groups that can help if you don’t like the therapist route. http://www.dailystrength.org/ has an online group that may help.
Good luck!
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#6 by Questioned M on October 28th, 2009
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Yea I’ve been in your situations; so through my experiences, knowledge and understanding, I will try to help you;
First off when your around people know that these are just ordinary people just like you and me. Every human has good and bad qualities, there is no existing human that is perfect. We are all ordinary and equal. Our skin holds our flesh and bones together, we have a heart, lung, organ, liver, nose, ears, mouth. What makes us different from each other really?
Next the root of being shy or nervous is "fear". A strategy to fight fear is;
Try to think of every negative our positive outcome to happen in a situation where you feel that you might be fearful of, so when you do imagine these thoughts, just "let it happen" instead of trying to "prevent it". When we try to prevent we create a barrier of fear which makes our body to be tensed and rigid. Lets think about this first though, has fear ever benefited you in your whole life? Or has it instead made your situation worse and caused you to be tensed and rigid? In reality fear is what holds us back in doing things that we want to do.
You can possibly die next week, next month, maybe in the next 2 years, so shouldn’t you be trying to "enjoy" every moment you can? Instead of living in "fear"?
When you want to go and do something just go and do it.
"You won’t know until you try"
For example you wanted to ask someone out or introduce yourself, well you won’t know the outcome if you just do it because lets be real with this, it’s not dangerous to go and ask someone out.
"Don’t doubt, attempt, make mistakes, learn, move forward."
Do not be afraid to make mistakes because humans make mistakes all the time including you and me. What’s important is that we try to "recognize" the mistake, "learn" from it, and "try" to "avoid" the mistake in the future.
**Okay this is for thinking "negative" which is the worst thing you can possibly do. Look I want you to realize that thinking negative has not ever helped you or anybody in your whole life. In reality thinking negative does not help at all. In the other hand thinking positive will help you to look good in situations, feel good, have a good positive attitude, where people want to be around you for.
Look I want you to remember this quote;
"There are not negative things, just negative thinkers and There are not positive things, just positive thinkers."
(it’s negative if it is a bad act such as stealing, killing, bad use of words, you get the idea lol.)
I’ll explain what the quote means; It means pretend I thought that a certain music band is good making music, which is a positive thought and then on the other hand there’s another person who thinks negatively of them and who thinks that they aren’t good. What I’m trying to say in reality there is no positive or negative things its all what ourselves judge things as. You can look at everything positive, and just set your mind to positive. Don’t let other peoples negative opinions and thoughts hold you back from looking at the positive things because people who are positive are people who will want to be your friend because look in reality who the heck wants to be friends with someone who is always negative? To be honest no I wouldn’t and I’m pretty sure you don’t either. While on the other hand having a buddy who stays positive and helps out is a friend that everyone wants to have.
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#7 by RWPossum on October 28th, 2009
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In medicine, some problems are treated by surgery and some are treated on a daily basis, by hygiene, dental hygiene for example. Self-confidence and self-esteem are often approached "surgically," for example, by a family member or a therapist talking at length with someone to replace negative beliefs with positive ones.
In recent years, a method called cognitive therapy has been gaining popularity. It deals with negative thinking in terms of both "surgery" and "hygiene." A lot of the time, negative thoughts occur to us when we’re not really conscious of it. You can be watching TV or something, and some self-hating thought will creep up on you. You’re only half conscious that this happens. You’re watching TV but you’re also in the past somewhere, blaming yourself for something, or in the future, in some mishap that hasn’t happened yet. When you’re aware of the thought, you can correct it.
Albert Ellis, one of psychologists who gave us the basic ideas of cognitive therapy, wrote a book that is recommended by mental health professionals for social anxiety, A Guide to Rational Living. Like the Ellis book, Dying of Embarrassment by Barbara Markway has been shown to be helpful for people with social anxiety.
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#8 by Sumit on October 28th, 2009
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Actually u need a consultant. I am giving u this link plz follow it. This may help u gain self confidence http://www.managementdynamics.info/
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http://www.managementdynamics.info/
#9 by padma m on October 28th, 2009
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You are friendly and happy with your family and friends.That means you are social and you can mix up with people as and when you know them better.This is normal with many people.
Try talking to people on general topics like climate . As and when the conversation proceeds you may continue further.
There is no point in feeling shy . People are surely going to appreciate your good nature and be friendly with you.
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#10 by I ran to U,Now, I run from U.. on October 28th, 2009
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Just say to yourself, that you are in no way inferior to the people whom you talk to people whom you don’t know….
They are just normal people and say to yourself that you will do just fine…
Confidence has a direct relationship with self esteem, if you increase your self esteem, then your confidence level also increases…
Self esteem can only be gained, if you go out there talk to them and prove to yourself that you are good with people whom you don’t know.. This will really boost your self esteem and hence your confidence,..
so go out there and speak out, .. good luck..
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#11 by jen w on October 28th, 2009
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that happens when you are truley happy with who you are.
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#12 by Annie R on October 29th, 2009
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It is normal to be more outgoing when you are around friends and family because you are more familiar with them. If your low self confidence and esteem are holding you back and it’s ruining your life, that is not good. Maybe you could join a group online and find people who have problems socializing. Look for a shy or social anxiety group. I wrote an article with a few tips on how to increase your self confidence. You can read it if you’d like.
Here is the link:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1832573/tips_on_improving_your_self_confidence.html
Good Luck! Hope things work out!
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#13 by #1 BathiQoY K0kainD TelleR @* on October 29th, 2009
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Relax
We all want to become more confident and feel good about ourselves so we can live our very best life. Here are some ways to gain confidence and raise self-esteem:
1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through.
Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.
2. Enjoy something you do well.
Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.
Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you don’t have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something you’ve always wanted to try.
Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn’t have to be something big – it can be as simple as joining a walking club.
You’ll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.
3. Shift the focus.
It’s been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else.
You’ll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting.
At the end of the day, you’ve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.
4. Relax, already!
Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.
The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.
Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you’ve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?
5. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished.
Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my driver’s test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on.
These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life.
Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.
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