As a personal development coach, a question that comes my way nearly every day is, “how do I gain confidence.” I’m sometimes surprised at the crazy notions people can have regarding “what it takes” to become a confident person. Some even produce a laundry list of things they believe they must do, achieve and overcome in order to gain confidence.
When this happens, my primary job shifts from coach to “bubble buster.” Here’s why:
Building confidence is a process, but it does not have to take ages. Well-meaning “experts” will often tell you the opposite: “there are no shortcuts to building confidence-it takes a long time, and lots of hard work, yada, yada, yada…”
Allow me to strongly disagree. Confidence is not something you gain because you have finally earned your own respect. Not at all! Confidence comes from the realization that you don’t have to do anything to be worthy of your respect. This realization can take you 5 minutes or five years; it’s entirely up to you.
The fact is, you are worthy of every bit of respect and acceptance you can muster simply because you exist. Nature is awesome and filled with infinite possibility; therefore YOU are awesome and filled with infinite possibility-end of story.
I am aware that there is a very misguided notion throughout the world that insists that humans have value only if they achieve something that others in their culture deem “worthy.”
I’m also aware that this paradigm is pure self-destructive nonsense.
But that wasn’t always the case. For much of my life I accepted the reigning paradigms of pettiness and self-loathing that are so prevalent in society (see any of the so-called “reality” TV shows for verification). I only gained personal and financial freedom after I began to see through some of the disinformation that pollutes our collective consciousness, and decided that “I” had tremendous value simply because I was here-no matter what I did, said or achieved (of all the nerve!).
When an individual ‘wakes up” and begins seeing this illogical, competitive paradigm that much of the world operates under for what it is, they become supremely confident. They no longer are bound by achievement or the opinions of others.
Ironically, people who develop this level of self-acceptance often achieve great things. When you are not bound by achievement or competition, your creative mind takes center stage, and you begin creating greatness in your life, instead of pissing around with the “rat race” trying to compete for scraps.
If you want to “work on” building confidence for five years, and you’ve got that kind of time to waste, that’s entirely your call. But it’s not necessary. Powerful confidence can developed in a week. I’ve seen it many times, and there are plenty of tools to help you do it-once you know where to look.
Yes, developing confidence is a process, but no, it doesn’t have to take a long time. You don’t have to “earn” confidence, like some Boy Scout merit badge. You only have to recognize that you are already worthy of more respect than you could possibly give yourself in ten lifetimes. It’s a matter of accepting what is already true: your power, potential and ability are awesome.
Jon Mercer
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/how-do-i-gain-confidence-119671.html
#1 by d3aDlYgAm3R101 on May 30th, 2009
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What are some good ways to gain confidence?
I sometimes lack confidence in school and other times have a lot (rarely). I try to get a good night sleep, but that doesn’t really help. What are good ways to gain confidence?
#2 by LaJeh on May 31st, 2009
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Meditation will help you.
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#3 by Healthy Helen on May 31st, 2009
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1. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself
When speaking in public it’s common to feel like everyone’s analyzing everything you say. But they’re probably not! Remember the audience hears people speaking in public all the time – you’re not doing anything unusual so they won’t be scrutinizing you. It might help to look at the back of the room, not at the faces looking at you. Also bear in mind that you won’t look as nervous as you feel.
2. Stay calm and use positive body language
Breathe deeply, take your time and talk slowly and calmly. Use positive body language – stand up straight and project your voice.
3. Use props such as slides and charts
This makes your presentation more interesting, and gets the audience’s eyes off you for a while!
4. Make your body language work for you
Up to 80 per cent of first impressions are formed by body language, so make it count. Show you’re interested in what people say by smiling, facing the person, making eye contact, leaning forwards, nodding and generally appearing attentive. You can use hand gestures to emphasise your point and show you’re enthusiastic about what you’re talking about.
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