I’m interested in practical advice or tips on increasing self confidence and self esteem in particular with guys. My friends and even strangers often tell me that I’m very pretty and smart but when I like a guy, I often don’t have the confidence to believe in myself and end up losing him for what is interpreted as lack of interest. How can I believe in myself more? I am capable and have good friends, the problem seems to start when I like a guy. I’ve had some good relationships but recently seem to have been disappointed in a couple of guys I dated.
Sadly, it’s sort of a downward spiral. You lose self-confidence and it hits your self-esteem which lowers your confidence which lowers your self-esteem, etc.
Having been through the cycle before, my advice is that you need to take a moment and perform an honest self-assessment. In doing so, you need to put everything (and I mean everything) in your life under the microscope and figure out what stays and what has to go. It’s not always easy, and you don’t come out of it all smiles and grins. But, you should have a plan and (at the risk of sounding all Tony Robbins) the next step is to execute the plan. For me, it involved focusing on work and being a responsible adult (i.e., pay my bills, stop buying things I didn’t need, and get into shape).
The idea being that you gain self-confidence when you reach the goals that you set for yourself; because once you learn that you can do things that you set your mind to do, you learn to trust yourself. Once you learn to trust yourself, you find that you can stop relying on others and that’s when you have self-esteem.
What also helps is making sure that you have a solid support network. I’m going to be honest, that’s not as easy as it sounds. You need to associate with people who don’t have needless drama in their lives. If you have friends and family that drama just seems to go out of its way to then find, you need to reduce the amount of time you spend with those folks. Sometimes this can be painful or confusing, but unstable people are a wrecking ball for the self-esteem and confidence of others.
I hope that helps.
#1 by EmeraldEyes17 on October 4th, 2009
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i don’t really have an asnwer for you…but please let me know when u get any answers, because i also have confidence and self esteem issues. And it would be nice for me to feel confident about myself oncec in a while!!
xxx
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#2 by Liwhin K on October 4th, 2009
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Compliment yourself, or look in the mirror and tell urself something good about urself (its fine to repeat too). I stand in front of the mirror and compliment my skin, eyes, and teeth.
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#3 by hotbutter on October 4th, 2009
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exercising
get involved in extra curricular activities
get a makeover
therapy
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#4 by Yuki on October 4th, 2009
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Just grit your teeth and bear it. Or else, borrow your friends and use them as support – call him up, tell him that you and your homies are going to a movie, and does he want to come? There’s not much you can do but practice, so good luck!
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#5 by haleyknutson on October 4th, 2009
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self esteem..it’s a very important part of your life, and it seems that you are having doubts of yourself being accepted. first, you need to accept yourself. guys like self confidence, and if they see that you have self confidence, then they’ll like it, so that’s the first thing you should do, realize that you are pretty and people arnt lying to you, dont be stuck up about it, juss believe in yourself, another thing you should do is get used to being around guys, start being frends with more guys…they are nicer and dont lie like the girls do, and they aren’t as dramatic. so when youstart hanging out with the guys, the you dont hafta worry about starting a relationship with them, cuz you know that you are juss gunna be frends…no pressure. so then you’lls tart to understand guys more also. finally, get used to the fact that no body is perfect…you arent perfect, and you cant be..no body can be…so you need to accept that you are the best you can be, and that’s all that anyone asks of you.
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#6 by yopude on October 4th, 2009
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If you like someone, all you have to do is go up to them and start talking. How hard is that. It’s that simple. Look just do it. If you strike out, you just keep going. With time, you will have all the confidence in the world. Everyone is good at something. Think about what you are good at and let that be your prescription to give you the guts to go for it!
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#7 by Love Lady on October 5th, 2009
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You have to relax and be yourself. Right now…you are your own obstacle. Try practicing some daily "affirmations" @ home in the mirror. (it may seem corny, but affirmations do work) Repeat over and over to yourself…"I am smart and beautiful and an exciting person to be around." Soon enough your confidence level will be high and your true personality will shine through for all to see! Good luck…YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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#8 by adam d on October 5th, 2009
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I’ve learnt that your self talk can help loads, but they way you word it has a bigger impact.
If you tell your self "I’m confident" when you are not, then you will not believe yourself.
If you keep telling yourself "I’m getting more and more confident" , or "people like me more and more and more"
To be particularly honest I dont understand why girls don’t get guys – okay so i’m a guy but we’re dead easy. Just dress and act slightly more sexy than you do. Touch us a lot. Laugh at our crap jokes.
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#9 by Lola on October 5th, 2009
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If only i could answer this question! i’d probably be happily married by now! Its tough having no confidence with the opposite sex but the only thing i can say is try to relax (i know its not easy) but a lot of the time the guy will be as nervous as you, he’s just managing it better! try not to over-think it and just go with the flow! good luck
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#10 by yte r on October 5th, 2009
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Excuse the pic but I am a female. One thing that is interesting is that guys can pick up on a womens low self esteem, so usually you may tend to attract the wrong guys as well. Start to think positive no matter what and yes telling yourself that you are sexy and confident will do the job. Doing this works on you mentally then from the inside to a physically glow and watch you will be able to attract who you want. Keep your character and personality going there is someone out there! Have fun.
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#11 by frankmoore on October 5th, 2009
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Sadly, it’s sort of a downward spiral. You lose self-confidence and it hits your self-esteem which lowers your confidence which lowers your self-esteem, etc.
Having been through the cycle before, my advice is that you need to take a moment and perform an honest self-assessment. In doing so, you need to put everything (and I mean everything) in your life under the microscope and figure out what stays and what has to go. It’s not always easy, and you don’t come out of it all smiles and grins. But, you should have a plan and (at the risk of sounding all Tony Robbins) the next step is to execute the plan. For me, it involved focusing on work and being a responsible adult (i.e., pay my bills, stop buying things I didn’t need, and get into shape).
The idea being that you gain self-confidence when you reach the goals that you set for yourself; because once you learn that you can do things that you set your mind to do, you learn to trust yourself. Once you learn to trust yourself, you find that you can stop relying on others and that’s when you have self-esteem.
What also helps is making sure that you have a solid support network. I’m going to be honest, that’s not as easy as it sounds. You need to associate with people who don’t have needless drama in their lives. If you have friends and family that drama just seems to go out of its way to then find, you need to reduce the amount of time you spend with those folks. Sometimes this can be painful or confusing, but unstable people are a wrecking ball for the self-esteem and confidence of others.
I hope that helps.
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#12 by Max H on October 5th, 2009
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Well times that by 1000 and you have what the poor guy is going though.
Guys experience ie boyfriends helps.
What Ive seen really help is things like
http://www.thechurch.co.uk
No not god squad but one of the wildest backpacker events/nightclub during the day.
In amongst the drinking games, etc at thwe end it was girls only on stage… the wilder the girls get the louder and more excited the guys get, each feeds off the other.
Or pole dance lessons
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#13 by Lucky on October 5th, 2009
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First start with positive "self talk". If you believe that you are not interesting then you will act this way in everything you do and others will pick up your low vibe also. Always remind yourself of all the positive things about yourself and all the great things you’ve accomplished and how lucky these people are to have you in "their" lives. Also, instead of concentrating on yourself when you are with someone, make it a priority to pay attention to the person and what he/she likes. You’ll have less time to pick yourself apart if you put your energies toward making the other person feel as comfortable as possible and are generous with compliments. If all else fails, remember to smile!
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Don Gabor, How to Make Friends….
#14 by Wainamoinen on October 5th, 2009
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you need to pat yourself on the back more…even litttle things you do.. tell yourself how well you did it…its not only quite a laugh..but builds confidence too, l am sure though you have admirers…and its o0nly a matter of time….as regards the chaps who ..you lost…were you the loser…l think not
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