What is it?? I want to feel so secure within myself that no matter what I do or what anyone thinkd, it won't bother me. within reason obviously. I worry so much all the time about what p0pl think and what might happen. I never used to be like this and if anyone could give me any advice on thinking patterns, what causes them and how to change it, I would be most gratefulo, thanks.
Put the reasons causing worry on a paper.
Identifying the problem is half the solution.
List out the possble remedies. and what caues you t be happy. This is 3/4 the solution.
Now implement them, you should overcome the worries.
#1 by Josh S on May 11th, 2009
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Get a boyfriend.
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#2 by motisbetter on May 11th, 2009
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Theres no way to build confidence. Just be confident.
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#3 by pathfinder on May 11th, 2009
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Remember this, if you have low self esteem and lack faith in yourself, how can anyone else have faith in you and what you do?
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#4 by Darrel R on May 11th, 2009
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Establish your self-worth in an unestimatable value; keep your self-esteem high; and maintain personl confidence by spoiling yourself.
Enjoy.
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#5 by digitalchinky on May 11th, 2009
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One way is to try and let your guard down a little. Don't take yourself too seriously, and if people make fun of you, acknowledge what they say, sometimes it might even be true, just roll with it and laugh it off.
Ultimately it really doesn't much matter what other people think, it only matters what ~you~ think.
If your first thoughts are always negative, then don't allow this to happen. Change your behavior to a positive.
Join a drama class. That'll ground you in no time at all.
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#6 by buj on May 11th, 2009
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half of it is you judging other people. you think maybe some one doesnt look good in a shirt or something. then you think to your self you dont look good.. just dont worry about it. Be your self and if some one doesnt like it o well.
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me
#7 by www.TheBurberryShop.com on May 11th, 2009
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Go to http://www.dalecarnegie.com and click on Free Weekly Tips. They will send tips to your e-mail address. Dale Carnegie holds seminars to teach you to be confident. They are probably expensive, but very worthwhile.
One thing for you to do is "fake it till you make it." Make a conscious effort to LOOK confident. Use confident posture. Make eye contact with people.
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My husband attended the Dale Carnegie seminar and it was life changing for him. We read the free tips weekly
#8 by The silent pen on May 11th, 2009
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It's easy to build confidence kid but you've got to have what goes with it and that's loneliness. To be confident you have to think Superior and that will make you lonely
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#9 by ? Mad Luv ? on May 11th, 2009
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a way that worked for me is faking it then it did become me!
everytime i would reset and pretend that i'm the most confident human in the room! Now it took me a while to pretent to be that cool calm collective type i did over do it at first but that's how you learn and you see and then you believe!
that's another one BELIEVE in YOURSELF.. it really isn't that hard really!
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#10 by originalkippyj on May 11th, 2009
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I faked it until I felt it. That sounds almost ridiculous, but it worked.
Getting a little older and realizing how little other people even think about anyone other than themselves helped, too. It's much easier to have self-confidence when you realize that most of the people around you don't.
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#11 by miniemmykay on May 11th, 2009
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It can be hard to have confdence sometimes . Just do things that make you feel good about yourself . Find a talent . If you don't exercise a lot start jogging and get fit work your way up every time. Find a sport your good at or maybe its the people you "Hang Out With" Find someone that likes you for who you are ; ) Let go and do new things . its not what people think about you its how you love yourself open up and be yourself and true to who you are.
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Me
#12 by suey on May 11th, 2009
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you have to do something you really love. stick with it. and focus on it. slowly you will build your confidence up.
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#13 by wildmlwilson on May 11th, 2009
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Confidence is built or created when you realize that you can handle a situation. The more situations that you successfully handle in your life, the more confident you feel.
First: Look back at your life and recognize how many times you have successfully negotiated or solved a difficult situation. This is proof you can use to show yourself as a capable person. (Focus on past successes and plan for more success in the future).
Second: Learn more about everything you can, in as many different environments as possible. This broadens your base of knowledge and makes you more capable of handling diverse situations. (Knowledge is the ultimate power in any persons life).
Third: Mentally visualize different situations in your life and map out possible responses to those situations. This allows you the opportunity to get ahead of an situation and have a preplanned response. (This is the secret of karate, practice hundreds of different moves and in an attack, your body already knows what to do).
Fourth: Look at how you improve during the first three steps and you will see the rise in your personal confidence level.
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#14 by Sheri B on May 11th, 2009
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This question is one of those 'gift of the maggi moments'. I have found that Other people are drawn to confident people. Men Love women who are confident in themselves, and Visa versa. Even ignoring the romantic aspect of it all, people Like other confident people. I have found that simply Knowing that the rest of the world would like me better would make me want to appear confident. I know it's not simple, and it's difficult to get that Ball rolling. For me, It's exercise. I started running, just a few laps around the track, and then a mile, and then 2. Then I started Trying again. Doing my makeup, brushiing my hair every day,.. making sure I smell Fantastic after a shower. On the emotional side of things, haveing a diary helps me out a lot. well, rather a Journal. I only wright in it when I have something I need to vent about. Then later on, I can come back and read it, and see that I have fixed that problem in my life. After a while, you see the pattern of what you fixed, and the things you couldn't, and it helps you to see the pattern of your future. you don't worry about things so much, because by glimpsing into your past, you know that you can handle anything life throws at you in the future, because you've alread done it so many times.
Good luck!!
Just find a way to get the ball moving, and it's like a snowball rolling downhill. Just know that if you are confident in yourself, it will shine through you, and others will see it,a nd that will make everyone, and everything in the world at ease with everything you are.
You are already fantastic in the fact that you WANT to build your confidence, rather than crawl under a rock and be alone. Let youself see how wonderful you Can be, and eventually you'll proove to yourself how wonderful you are.
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#15 by vitraux on May 11th, 2009
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Do something that your proud of…. stand by your morals no matter what people think….try to remember….most people are idiots and won't support you anyway, so be proud that at least YOU know what your doing. As long as you know you are doing your best, it doesn't really matter what they think.
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If your on fire, most people won't put you out….but they will stay to watch you burn. Sad but true.
#16 by danny t on May 11th, 2009
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confidence is nothing more than believing in yourself.if you dont have faith in yourself how can you expect others to have faith in you.
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55 years of the university of life.
#17 by Fran E on May 11th, 2009
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Hi
Building confidence can be done by feeling the fear. There is a book by Susan Jeffers that is excellent. Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. I'm not much into self help books but there is lots of advice in there. It is difficult, after having a knock.
Another way is by looking up to the sky and thinking the person you would like to be ie) confident…
Picturing this in your head will help you when you are feeling low. Sod everyone else, as long as you are not directly hurting anyone, who cares what people think!!
Here is a link to some of her books
http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=susan+jeffers&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go
Good Luck
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#18 by Open_Mind on May 11th, 2009
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Put the reasons causing worry on a paper.
Identifying the problem is half the solution.
List out the possble remedies. and what caues you t be happy. This is 3/4 the solution.
Now implement them, you should overcome the worries.
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#19 by robert c on May 12th, 2009
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Keep concentrating on the positive points of your character and not the negative!!
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#20 by satoshi on May 12th, 2009
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there is no easy way to build confidence. Often, I find myself lacking some, too. But then I think, does anyone really care what I like and what I don't? This year, I started embracing the things I like more, and, surprisingly, found other people who like it too. And, I found people who, even though they didn't have the same interests as me, were totally able to respect me for what I did.
What I think you should do, is think about yoourself. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you want to be? What's your favorite…? Know yourself, and make friends based on that knowledge. Learn to love everything about yourself. Every morning, when you wake up, look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Your first thought should be, I'm gonna have a great day today! and your second should be, damn, I'm hot. xD.
And the last bit of advice I can give is this: learn to laugh at yourself. If you get a pimple on your nose, or something like that, don't retreat into a corner when people make fun of it. Just laugh along with them, and you'll see that the joke will pass. Be able to see that you can't do everything perfectly, that you suck at some things, and then, learn to not care if you're imperfect. And then, look at the perfect aspects of who you are. Embrace them. You'll feel better.
When you feel someone judging you, tell yourself: I'm everything I am, and no one can force me to live a life that's not mine. And that makes me a lot more special and unique than that stupid person laughing at me.
Learn not to care what others think. Just be yourself. And eventually, you'll find people who like you for you. And that's a real confidence booster, right there.
blessings.
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personal experience
#21 by Kim K on May 12th, 2009
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I think all things get better with age.
Life is a delicate balance between opposing forces….Life and death, good and evil, creation and destruction.
I went thru a period where everyone elses opinion mattered so much to me I would have done anything to please them. Biut I learned that you can't please all the people all the time, nor is it wise to even try. Some people will like ya, some will hate ya, some will be swayed, and some won't be.
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#22 by pat on May 12th, 2009
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Consider yourself unconsidered.
To thy own self be true.
remove from your life,( your thoughts) anything or anyone who gives you " constructive criticism" It is an oxymoron.
Construction build you up and criticism tears you down.
Anyway you already know the answers, we were all conceived or wired with the solutions to our problems already inside us waiting to be accessed.
Think this….
I am perfect like the snowflake , unique but perfection personified . I am exactly what I was born to be … an individual on a journey of discovery.
Bon Voyage!
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#23 by Rico on May 12th, 2009
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One thing with worrying about what other people will say is that – you can't control it. People will talk no matter what the situation. Someone very close to me once told the following story, it helped me alot…(its a bit long but well worth it)
Once on a very hot and dry day an elderly man and his young son are walking along with their donkey. Trying to get to the nearest town. They walk for about 10minutes and as they pass a group of people, they hear someone saying. 'Look at that foolish man and his son, they're walking along and the donkey is carrying nothing. Surely it would make more sense for the child to ride the donkey".
The father felt foolish for not thinking of this before and as soon as they were out of sight of that group, he picked his son up and placed him on the donkey. They walk another few moments and as they pass a group of people someone says "look at that selfish child, he rides the donkey while the old man walks". Hearing this the child felt embarressed and gets off the donkey. With his father reluctantly taking his place they walk happily for another 500 yards or so until another group walk by.
"Look at that man, he makes his child walk!"
At this the old man got off the donkey and carried the animal over his shoulders! They then pass another group of people…
This anecdote should prove to you that although they all had valid points the man could not do anything right in others' eyes. He did what he thought was best.
Remember: people will always talk.
Confidence: which can be affected by others' views, comes from within yourself. You need to have a high regard of yourself. You need to UP your self-esteem. Think better of yourself and this will shine through as confidence.
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#24 by SimplyUnited on May 12th, 2009
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What you describe signify a hidden potential, or some unused, and possibly unexplored capacity. I say this because there is a certain clarity in your say of the the way you like to feel, and the way you ultimately like to be: 'I want to feel so secure within myself … within reason'. This obviously points to what you have in your mind already taking place, but you do not appear to know as what it exactly is, or how to fill you capacity to be a person better still in life. The change that you have mentioned is possibly being caused by a developmental phase in your life, may be you are entering into a maturer phase of your life, or may be it happened due to you encountering some new situations and circumstance in your life. In any case I can say with hundred percent certainty that your are more that you know you are, you are capable to do better things than you are at the moment able to do. The feelings are genuine but they are at present marred by self-doubt, which obvious would go when your would be comfortable with the process of change that is taking place in your life. You function right now is to welcome this change and make it your own by accepting new things into you life wholeheartedly, and what you do not want to accept decide now and move on. Life remember is a process where things change as they get better.
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#25 by cool dude on May 12th, 2009
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youll need cement some scaffolding and a tonne of bricks
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#26 by All hat on May 12th, 2009
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The essence of low self confidence is a fear of being found out. We fear that we are faking it, pretending to be more than we are, and the dread is that someone will see through us and bust us as the ignorant, ugly, or whatever else bad thing we think we are inside.
So there are two remedies.
First, don't hide anything about yourself. See if you are concealing certain things about yourself, "putting on airs", pretending to be more cool or more independent, say, than you really are. Quit that. Be honest with your firends about who you are, what you think is cool, who you like, what you like, what you fear, the works.
Two, get good at what you like to do, including socializing. The trick to socializing is to get out of your own head and into the other person's. No one thinks you are boring if you're talking about THEM. Spend your time and attention on others, and you won't have time to worry about yourself.
If you are "self-conscious" simply direct your consciousness away from your self and onto others. Think about them, what's interesting to them, what questions you can bring up to them – People love that.
Those things should do it.
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